Kink & Non-Monogamy Therapy in Chicago
Despite the rising prevalence of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)/kink, it’s unfortunately common for folks to walk into the therapy space and feel judged for the way they live and love. You shouldn't have to explain or defend your relationship structure before you can even get into the meaningful work of therapy.
At Haven Therapy and Wellness, non-monogamy and kink aren't side notes or special accommodations, they're areas of clinical specialty for our Chicago-based therapy practice, and are identities worth affirming and supporting.
Whether you're new to kink/ethical non-monogamy and trying to figure out how it fits your life, or you've been practicing for years and are working through a specific relationship or personal challenge brought on by your relationship structure, you'll be working with a polyamorous therapist who understands the territory from both clinical training and lived experience.
Haven Therapy and Wellness is proud to foster a liberation-focused, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapeutic space that is built to support and affirm your relationship structure, not just tolerate it. I offer care that is grounded in feminist, queer, anti-oppressive, body- and sex-positive philosophies.
How Does Kink & Non-Monogamy Therapy in Chicago Work?
Kink/ENM therapy starts from the premise that ethical non-monogamy and kink are valid relationship and identity expressions, not things to be “fixed” or phases to “outgrow.”
From this basis, our work together is about whatever you need to make your love shine brighter. This can be a number of things including better communication, less reactivity, a healthier relationship with your own jealousy, a more regulated nervous system, more secure attachment patterns, or clarity about what you want next in your life.
Common areas of focus in kink/ENM therapy include:
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Navigating new relationship energy (NRE), both for the person in the new relationship, as well as everyone they’re already entangled with. This can be sensitive for everyone involved and we treat this period with care, curiosity, and compassion.
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Jealousy and insecurity, understood through an attachment lens rather than treated as a problem to get rid of. Rather than trying to “eliminate” jealousy or insecurity, we approach it non-judgmentally and try to understand what is needed to create a more secure, connected dynamic.
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Communication and negotiation skills for better boundaries, agreements, and disclosures. The aim is to help you and your love(s) understand each other on a deeper level, with as much clarity and transparency as possible.
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Co-dependency and enmeshment patterns, including how they show up differently in non-monogamous structures and how they can be addressed given this important context. This can be through healthy individuation, compassionate connection, and empowerment for everyone involved.
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Nervous system regulation and trauma processing during difficult relationship moments or conflict. Some approaches include EMDR (which is focused on trauma processing) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
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Kink identity and practice, including processing shame, exploring desire, amplifying liberatory practices, and integrating kink into your broader sense of self. This includes kink that is only practiced in the bedroom as well as those practicing lifestyle kink.
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Navigating and choosing relationship structures that don't follow conventional scripts. This is anything from kitchen table or garden party polyamory, to triads, extended polycules, solo polyamory, relationship anarchy, and consensual ethically-hierarchical structures.
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Exploring how sexuality impacts relationship structures as well as expanding the definition of relationships. This includes queer platonic partnerships, demisexuality, asexual and allosexual pairings, and play partnerships.
Ravenswood Polyamory Therapist
With Training and Lived Experience
As your therapist, I am not only trained in therapies meant to help ENM clients, but also have experience in the kink, queer, and non-monogamous communities directly. The benefit for you is that you won't need to spend your valuable time in therapy explaining the terminology or justifying your relationship structure.
Our work in kink/ENM therapy draws from a variety of modalities and interventions, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), EMDR, and attachment-based work. We’ll maneuver our therapeutic approach to accommodate the unique needs and concerns you’re bringing to the therapy room.
Just as importantly, this work is grounded in a feminist, anti-oppressive, queer, body- and sex-positive philosophies. The goal of therapy is never to push you toward a societal "normal" that doesn't fit you or the life you’re building for yourself. Rather, we are here to help you discover what brings you most joy, love, and affirmation and expand upon that.
Who Kink & ENM Therapy in Chicago Is For
This work may be a good fit if you:
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Are new to ethical non-monogamy and want support building a foundation, either for yourself or for you and your partner(s).
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Have practiced polyamory, relationship anarchy, or open relationships for a while and are hitting a specific challenge you need extra support with.
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Practice kink and want a therapist who won't pathologize it, judge it, or yuck your yum.
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Are managing jealousy, insecurity, or attachment wounds that show up in non-monogamous dynamics.
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Want couple- or polycule-based support for navigating agreements, disclosures, or structural decisions.
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Are processing trauma, identity, and shame, or deconstructing family-of-origin beliefs related to your relationship style or kink practice.
Your Investment
Individual 50-minute sessions or couple/group/polycule sessions are available through insurance or private pay.
For clients who want more concentrated time to work through a specific conflict, disclosure conversation, or decision point, extended intensive sessions (2 to 6 hours) are also available at $150 per hour, private pay.
FAQs for Kink and ENM Therapy in Chicago
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When I describe my practice as affirming, it means the therapy you receive from Haven Therapy and Wellness treats both ethical non-monogamy and kink as valid, healthy, liberating identity expressions, rather than problems to fix or change. Clinical training id used in tandem with lived experience to support you. You get a therapist who not only validates but understands and affirms the intricacies of living and loving outside the lines.
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Nope! Everyone has to start somewhere, and nobody should be denied help for being new to ENM or kink. Many clients are just beginning to explore this side of themselves and want support in all things kink/ENM. This usually includes improving their communication skills, figuring out what they want and need, navigating the tricky world of jealousy and new relationship energy, and identifying the type of relationship structure that fits them best. As your therapist, I am here and ready for all of it, no matter where you are in your ENM/kink process.
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Yes! Haven Therapy and Wellness is happy to offer services for ENM couples, throuples, polycules, and multi-partner arrangements. Offerings include therapy for couples and groups, as well as therapy intensives (sessions that last longer than an hour) for polycules needing more time and space to work through a specific concern or set of concerns. I also have access to a referral network of ENM couple’s/family therapists, if the need arises.
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Kink affirming therapy and therapy for ethical non-monogamy are two of several specialty areas at Haven Therapy and Wellness. Other areas of specialty include OCD, trauma, chronic illness, cancer, and grief. You don't need to be part of the kink/ENM communities to work with Haven Therapy, but if you are, these are areas of genuine clinical focus rather than just a side note.
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I use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), EMDR for trauma processing, and attachment-based approaches for kink/ENM relationships. I utilize Non-Violent Communication and restorative justice practices with clients navigating conflict in their relationships. I am also happy to incorporate non-traditional methods and interventions that include meaningful practices or processes for my clients, as needed or requested.
Our approach to treatment will be tailored to the specific concerns you have and the individual/dyadic/group work you're exploring. If something we’re trying isn’t working, I want you to be able to talk with me about that so we can find the right approach together.
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So glad you asked. I am as serious about therapist-client boundaries as I am about the relationship boundaries we talk about in therapy. To that end, if we run into each other in the community, I won’t acknowledge or approach you first, in order to protect your privacy. If you’d like to approach me to say hello, you are welcome to! Just know that I may be with people who know that I am a therapist, and so can’t ensure your privacy if you choose to approach me in public. Please know that I cannot and will not engage in therapy work outside the office.
Also, because the ENM/kink communities can be tight knit with overlapping relationships and events, I’ll make sure to address potential conflicts of interest, dual relationships, or mutual connections the moment I become aware of them. I want to make sure you’re able to either continue with me, or work with a different provider if needed, in a therapeutic relationship that is safe and confidential.
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Yep! In addition to standard 50-minute sessions, extended intensive sessions (2–6 hours) are available for clients who want longer, uninterrupted time to work through a specific relational challenge or decision. These sessions aren’t billable to insurance, so this is a service that is available to be paid out of pocket at the rate of $150 per hour.